Beware of Indifference

Many relationships die a slow and painful death due to neglect. As J. K. Rowlling said, "Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike." Ask yourself, “In what ways might I be indifferent in my relationship? Where has apathy crept in? Do you make an effort to connect each day? Do you find ways each day to show and tell your partner that you love him or her; that you are grateful for who they are and what they do? If you find signs of indifference in your relationship, you will need to act fast to counteract the damage:

• Listen with both ears and your heart. Let your partner know that you care about what they think and how they feel.
• Take time for your relationship. Every day say and do something loving for your partner.
• Be careful about special days. Remember and honor birthdays, anniversaries and other days that are special to the two of you.
• Enthusiastically support your partner’s dreams. When something is very important to your partner, it should be important to you, because your partner is important to you.

You damage your relationship when you disregard or ignore your partner or the things that are important to your partner. Your indifference gives your partner the clear message that you do not care about what s/he cares about; it may also send the message that you do not care about him/her.

Do not allow your relationship deteriorate due to neglect. Choose to be generous with your time and your love.

Beware of Indifference

As human beings we all need to feel important—to feel that we are somebody and that what we do matters. This is especially true in intimate relationships. It meets our needs at a basic level to know that our partner sees us and what we do as important. During a communication exercise in a Marriage Preparation Class that we teach, where couples practice talking through issue, one groom-to-be brought up the issue of feeling that the bride-to-be was not interested in something that he had spent a good deal of time making. He thought she felt it was silly and not worth her time. He wanted her to take time to look at and possibly appreciate things that he had put time and effort into doing.

Robert Gordon Menzies said, “More good things in life are lost by indifference than ever were lost by active hostility.” We may not be putting our partner down, but if we are indifferent to their successes and discount what is important to them, we are giving them the message that they do not matter to us.

Pay attention to the ways that you may be giving your partner the message that he or she is not important to you. Remember that something that is of great importance to your partner should be important to you, simply because it is important to your partner.

Give your partner the gift of your excitement for their accomplishments and successes, whatever they may be. Don't let your relationship dwindle because of indifference.