You have probably heard the cliche, talk is cheap. But there is wisdom contained in this concept and it applies doubly in relationships. It can be eye-opening to contemplate the questions: What is it like to live with me? Consider if your behavior backs up your claims that you love your partner. Words like, “I'm sorry” or “I love you,” quickly begin to lose their meaning if those words are not followed by loving actions. There are many ways to put your love into actions. The most important thing to remember is that you want to choose loving actions that would be interpreted as loving by your partner.
Take a few minutes to make a list of the things that you do for and with your partner to demonstrate your love for them. If your list is short or if you are having trouble thinking of things to put on the list, then it may be time to start putting your words into actions. Once you have a list of what you do to show your love for your partner, ask your partner to prepare a list of actions that would feel loving to them. Comparing these two lists will help you see how on target your loving actions are. Below are a few examples of loving actions. You can experiment a little and find out which ones best suit your partner. Feel free to brainstorm to personalize the list.
Do something together:
- Read a book (take turns reading)
- Play a sport
- Play a board game
- Take a walk
- Go to the gym
Support your partner:
- Help around the house
- Give your partner some space
- Listen actively
- Compliment and hug your partner
- Discuss a problem and find a win win solution
Continue Courting:
- Plan a date night your partner would love
- Bring home flowers or a small gift
- Leave love notes where your partner will find them
- Meet each other for lunch
- Plan a getaway weekend
Sacrifice for each other:
- Make things that are important to your partner important to you
- Make time for your partner when they need you
- Give up a habit that frustrates or irritates your partner
- Accept each other warts and all
Please remember that it is important to be patient when making efforts to improve your relationship. Often people will try behaving more lovingly for a week or two and then get discouraged because their partner has not seemed to notice or has not reciprocated enough. Consistency and patience are required. If we change our attitude to one of generosity and worry less about what we are getting back our gifts of love will have far more impact.