A healthy relationship is functional and gives people a soft place to land. There is mutual respect and acceptance. The following is a list of attributes of a healthy, functional relationship:
F eeling like two whole people
U nwavering commitment to each other and the relationship
N o game playing, saying what you mean and meaning what you say
C ommunication is open, honest and assertive
T ime together and time apart are balanced
I ntimacy without the need for chemicals
O pinions are validated and respected
N urturing individual and couple friendships are encouraged
A ccepting and respectful of differences
L ooking for the best in each other
An unhealthy relationship is dysfunctional and can leave people feeling smothered or neglected or like they are walking on eggshells. The following is a list of attributes of an unhealthy, dysfunctional relationship:
D ependency or feeling incomplete without your partner
Y ou rely on your partner to make you feel happy, safe, beautiful, etc.
S elfishness, manipulation and game playing
F ull of blaming and shaming
U sing chemicals to help achieve a sense of intimacy
N egative focus; focused on what is wrong rather than what is great
C lingy and unable to let go
T oo much time together or too much time apart
I nability to allow the relationship to grow and change
O verly jealous or possessive
N ot able to express what is wanted or needed
A ggressive or passive aggressive approach to problem solving or avoidance thereof
L ack of friendships and healthy relationships with others
Take a few minutes to evaluate your relationship. Does it have more attributes of a functional or dysfunctional relationship. Ask your self, What one thing, that if I did it consistently, would improve the quality of my relationship? Make a commitment to do that one thing consistently for at least thirty days. By then it will have become a habit and you can choose the next one thing you can work on to improve your relationship.